Limbo

Another uneventful, waiting for Gadot (or, at minimum, a response to my resume) kind of day. Topped off with a low blood sugar (I realized too late) induced grumpy evening. I hope your day was better than mine, dear reader, I really do.

I have a RIDICULOUS surplus of time on my hands of late. I do not do well sans structure and there is only so much cleaning, coffee drinking, dog-walking, sleeping, errand running, phone talking, worrying, and cover letter writing that I can do.

Something has GOT to give.

Insert Exaggerated Sigh Here

For some bizarro reason, many, too many, of the folks with whom I am acquainted, are currently in the midst of their own unique brands of a massive-perfect-storm type transition, (i.e., category 6-plus) myself included. Whatever games the Gods or the stars are playing at this juncture, I do not know, but let me say this: ENOUGH ALREADY, FFS!!!

I am tired. Feeling intermittently alone with a capital A. At times I embrace this feeling, other times I resist it. I have noticed that when I resist, that is when I feel the worst. Hmmm.
Giving up (the illusion of) control is the hardest thing for me, and for some reason it seems that this is ALL I am capable of lately. I've held my breath, I've jumped into the water. And now I'm just UNDER, and it's murky as hell, and cold, and I have little idea as to when (or where)I will surface. I am not enjoying this, but I feel certain that I am doing what I must. At least I'm clear on that, right?

I feel like something is coming. I wish I could hasten it along....

Taking The Bad With The Good

I think I'll just make a list.

1. I hate this template. In fact I hate all of the prefabricated, frozen dinner templates available to Blogger bloggers. It's never going to look like I want it to, and I don't know enough, or, more aptly, ANYTHING, about web design--even on this basic, kindergarten level--to manipulate those that are available to me. Hrumph. I want my own domain, man. I even know a design guy who has kindly offered to help me at a discount, but it'll still be expensive. Then, yet again, there is the issue of my design ineptness. I'll have to call him every single time I want to make a change. What to do?

2. The Woob consumed almost an entire stick of butter today. (that's a quarter Lb, to readers not from the U.S.) Stealthily acquired off the kitchen counter while my head was in the fridge rummaging for jam. Too late, I caught on and found her in her usual naughty spot, ( did I really just say "naughty spot"?)under the bed. By then it was four fifths gone. (three-fifths in the belly, one-fifth all over the carpet, and one sad little lump of mauled fat in my hand) Apparently there was little discrimination between wrapper and the butter, itself, because most of the paper was gone, too. But we already know how much she enjoys that tasty paper stuff! Why only last week she dined on a book that I had purchased that very day. I wish I knew how to make her stop doing this type of thing! She's three already! Shouldn't she be done with this type of behavior?!?!

3. So I guess I should probably mention that I've decided to stay in Indiana for the time being. If I'm able to procure a worthy job--I'm thinking stepping-stone, I'm thinking building up my meagre resume, maybe some benefits--I truly think staying here will be fine for now. I've applied for two positions thus far. One is teaching Composition at a Community College, and the other, teaching Communications (i.e. speech/public speaking) at Purdue. Both are adjunct positions, and both would give me time outside of my employment to accomplish some of the other things I'm hoping to this year. What I REALLY want to "do for a living" is to WRITE. So the plan is to jump with all of my energies into freelance stuff, to see if I can't get paid a little for it, and to build a viable portfolio. The crossing of fingers has commenced.

4. I am going to play a rock and roll show next Saturday!!! Well, just one song, but it's a beginning! I am desperately scanning my memory for the last time this occurred. Hmmmm, 2001? Maybe 2002? I dunno, but it has sure been a while. I played my guitar for almost two hours this afternoon and it felt SO great! My fingers are sore but they're happy.

5. So tomorrow: troll for jobs, finally tackle my virtual mountain of laundry, (which ISN'T "virtual" at all--I'd post a picture, but it's way too embarrassing) finish up a writing project that I should have completed at least three weeks ago, and go to Macy's to look at interview wear. I don't really want to do ANY of it, but I know I'll feel lots better when I do.

Have a great week!

"Dear Tooth Fairy"

My little niece lost her first tooth today. For some reason she felt compelled to place a note, along with said tooth, under her pillow for the tooth fairy. Perhaps to clarify that it was, in fact, HER tooth?

They will be returning to Taiwan on Saturday. I think I miss them already.

Did I Mention That I'm Flakey?

1. Hooray! I've quit my job! Well, I gave notice, anyway. My last day will be the 11th. (only four more days!) I almost can't believe it's real. I mean, nothing feels different, I've just been navigating the week as I always do, working too much with not enough (creatively, spiritually, financially) to show for it. As of yet, I haven't felt so much as a twinge of regret, sadness, or anxiety. I just feel GOOD.

Traditionally I'm not so good at endings, I've become sickeningly adept at clinging and resisting, as well as at perennially favoring the known over the unknown. And for once it feels OK to simply let go... I'm ready to leave behind the comfortable little rut that my work has become, ready to do the things I must to live as I want to. I am a bit surprised at myself given the fact that I have no concrete post-work plan. In fact I'm somewhat astonished that I haven't succumbed to my usual paroxysms of intermittent panic, but thus far, there's been none. Only calm.

Here's the deal; I have been vacillating between two "new life" possibilities. One of which is Tennessee, the other (here goes) to remain HERE. Allow me to say this-- I didn't (AT ALL) see this coming. One result of my new found and unexpected indecision is that I have been going out of my way to avoid discussing this quandary with friends. I probably receive at least three emails a week asking what the hell I'm planning to do, where I'll be, etc. (which, in reality, ISN'T a quandary, per se, as I truly feel that I could go with either option--that the world is my proverbial oyster, that I feel more FREE than I have in perhaps YEARS with regard to my options)
Damn, what to do?!
I have recently been presented with some viable and enticing reasons to not leave Indiana. This includes employment possibilities, as well creative ones. I know only one, granted lovely, person in Chattanooga. Here, I have family and friends, history and the very real comforts of the familiar.

The thing is, CAN I create a "new life" here? I am uncertain. Will a new job, a new living situation, a new attitude be enough?

Rockin' Girl Blogger Award

Yay! I'm a Rockin' Girl Blogger! (At least my friend Heather thinks so.) Heather is an amazing photographer, (LOVE that micro stuff!) as well as a funny, thoughtful blogger, whom I met some months ago through the Community of Bloggers Forum. I most certainly would have bestowed the RGB award upon her if she hadn't beat me to it! Go check her out at The Heather Chronicles, you will not be disappointed.

So now it's my turn:

Antonia at Whoopee. Antonia never fails to brighten my day. She is side-splittingly funny, creative as hell, and does hilarious things to her cats and child. (all very kind, I assure you)

Cari. Cari is spiritual and smart and always working to better herself. Reading her blog reminds me that there is true strength in acknowledging our fears and weaknesses--moving through them--and then moving on.

Melinda. While not a "blogger", exactly, Melinda inspires in other important ways. (check out her sculptures--seriously amazing!) Melinda can juggle a hundred things simultaneously, it seems, and has really good taste in music.

And, lastly, Urban Cowgirl, at Adventures of an Urban Cowgirl. U.C. blogs anonymously so sadly I can't tell you her name. Anyway, she's clever, and courageous in ways that I am not, and she makes me laugh.

There are, of course, many more Rockin' Girl Bloggers I could name, but these (and Heather) are my favorites. And I'll stop here, as my bed is calling to me. Thanks again, Heather!