"...Maybe This Weight Was A Gift--Like I Had To See What I Could Lift..."

I feel incredibly content. At ease or something close to it. What a nice change. I've spent so much of my time stumbling on this that and/or the other--especially in recent years.
Yeah, I think I might be done with that. And by this I mean that when the stumbles hit me, I've become more adept and agile when it comes to getting back up again. But often, still, when I hit a wall in my life, my immediate reaction is to panic and feel incapable. It is encouraging that more and more, after this initial feeling passes, I just feel, for lack of a better word, ready. I feel equipped.

I am so happy today! And grateful.

Disclose This

Blah, blah, blah, blah, and BLAH.... It is fairly late-ish. I can't seem to come up with "a list" tonight. God, crap. Why is life so rife with so many complications?!

I am feeling confused and clueless--in a couple of aspects of my life. And here again I'm making the vague kind of half-confession that I hate. I detest having to talk about personal things in the abstract--like I often do here--like I feel I MUST here. (for reasons I've discussed before) But I guess it makes sense in this case, really, as the abstract is a place where I've been spending a lot of time lately.

So I'll breathe. Just breathe deeply, (you, too!) and remember that everyone alive is weighted down by something....

I Don't Know How To Do The Little Degree Symbol Thingy

1. It was 59 degrees F today.

2. It was fifty-nine degrees Fahrenheit today.

3. 59 is practically 60.

4. Sixty is fairly close to sixty-five, and sixty-five means that spring is almost here.

5. I sat out on the porch for a lot of the afternoon. I also filed my taxes, completed 3/4 of my day off to do list and still managed to fit in a long walk with The Woob. LOVE that Daylight Saving Time. The days already feel so much longer. At any rate, the best thing, still, was the fact that the temperature was 59 today! Actual birds were singing, I had the windows open... It has been SUCH a long and bitter winter here. I know it's not completely over, but it's definitely on it's last leg.

Top Ten Reasons Why No One Should Drink Alchohol

I have worked in a lot of bars. I've seen a lot of things...


1. Hangovers that hang way the hell over.

2. Unfortunate disclosures or other actions that lead to awkward moments, and/or that may require the making of an apology, or some form of retraction the following day. Over ice pour two parts whiskey to one part caution-to-the-wind, a dash of old fashioned biters and a splash of lime. Shake vigorously and strain into a martini glass. Garnish with regret.

3. Dirty dancing with someone you've only just met. That night. Possibly that same hour, even.

4. But let's be real. Dirty dancing at all or ever. (see #2)

5. Losing a designer bag that contained an iPhone.

6. The potential for exaggerated melodrama with ex-boyfriends/girlfriends.

7. Exaggerated melodrama played out in public between ex-boyfriends/girlfriends.

8. Being forced to watch (or to referee) as exaggerated, public melodrama plays out between ex-boyfriends/girlfriends.

9. Drunken emails, texts, phone calls or any other types of communication. They say that revenge is best served cold, right? Well the same is true for declarations of love or lust or whatever it is that suddenly and desperately NEEDS to be spoken by the non-sober person.

10. Finding a number in one's phone (or receiving a call) when you'd completely forgotten any exchange of said digits.

Why Today Is Good

1. I am eating a delicious soup made with spinach, spicy Italian sausage and these little pasta bits. It has some other things going for it, too: A. I didn't (have to) make it, and B., It was homemade.

2. I got my hair cut which means I also received a scalp and hand massage. It was a bit of a tease, though. I haven't had a real massage in far too long. I think I'll make an appointment soon.

3. I deep-cleaned my apartment today, which means that all feels orderly in Laura land.

4. Today was my day off and I achieved the perfect balance of lazy vs. productive.

5. Lost is on tonight, brother.

6. The Chia Homer is finally coming out of the box this evening. (Will keep you fully posted of its progress--the box says, "FULL COAT 1--2 WEEKS.)


7. I pulled out some older music while I cleaned today. Most enjoyable were Urge Overkill, Saturation, Sonic Youth, Goo, and Luscious Jackson, Fever in Fever Out. It has been a long time since I've listened to any of these.

8. I found $50.00 tucked inside a book this morning.

Why? Because I Like Me, Or, "Reasons I'm So Cool"

1. I have excellent hand-eye coordination. This makes me a good pick for team activities such as ping-pong or bowling. Last summer I discovered that I have a knack for archery, as well. If you've never played around with a bow and arrow, I highly recommend that you give it a try. Extremely satisfying.

2. I have good taste in music. I have often fancied that (not only would it be one of the all-time funnest jobs ever,) I would do well as a soundtrack designer for films.

3. I am good at capturing people on film. Folks seem to like it when I take their picture--I know how to make them look like their best selves.

4. I have good hair. This is largely due to the fact that I have recently found one of the most talented stylists I've ever known. The HUGENESS of this development cannot be adequately expressed, really. However If you know me at all, you know that I have(historically) rarely (never) been satisfied with a haircut. Yes, I am "that girl" who whimpers and broods for at least a week after a visit to the salon. It would seem that this is all in the past now, thanks to Kate.

5. I have grown up a lot in the past year. I am not saying that I don't have a long way to go--indeed I do--but I am a considerably more positive person than I was a year ago.


Thanks for the idea, Fickle.

Four Things About My First Band

1. I was 19, and a freshman in college. We were called Three Dicks And a Jane, and we thought we were pretty fly. The band sort of centered around a place called "The Art-Fag House," ( many of the the off-campus houses had names--mine was called The Cat House" 'cause we had a billion of them) Anyway, our drummer, Daron, and bassist, Robb lived there. Robb also happened to be my ultra-hip boyfriend. (We both held hipness in very high esteem.) There was quite a bit of black clothing involved, as well as a fair amount of Joy Division and New Order, many a pair of scuffed Doc Martins, The Smiths, a goodly number of kegs of crap beer, The Cure, The Sugarcubes, and a TON of schlepping heavy sound equipment from one party to another on the weekends. So. Much. Fun.

2. So during this time I had gone with friends to see The Mighty Lemon Drops play in Champagne, and their opener was a band from Hershey PA, called The Ocean Blue. They threw Hershey's kisses out into the audience during their set. I decided that it would be a fabulous idea to toss Jolly Ranchers. Not so much. Jolly Ranchers + beer soaked floors = a sticky mess and subsequent hours spent wielding a putty knife.

3. For my 20th birthday my house mates and I decided to throw a party. We were slated to play, as was my brother's band, Gadfly. Everything about that night was magical, and absolutely everyone had a blast. And I, I had the most fun I'd had before or since playing live music. This is saying something, too, because I have had much in the way of that kind of fun. I remember standing there knowing that this was (and would be)one of my best moments. And I was suffused with this intense, shivery gratitude.

4. After about a year and a half, Robb and I called it quits, and so the band was over too.